Inside Yoga 87 (4/11/13)
My young daughter is approaching four years old and recently we noticed that she has started starting saying “I am a winner” and this is said with all the excitement one would expect, if not a touch of victory over others!
We, her parents, looked at each other and asked where did she get this from? Surely it wasn’t us? It had to be pre-school or another environment? While searching for the answer, we might remind ourselves that finding the source is not as important as teaching our daughter about winning and competition in an ethical and nourishing fashion (basically, I am writing about all those ingredients that help to make a little person grow into the sort of bigger person we want her to become – as most parents we hope we know what that might consist of and equally succeed in teaching her!).
Anyway, the question arises: does this show that winning and competiveness is a natural instinct? I guess Darwin would say it is: survival of the fittest and all that. But, in our modern world filled with the allure of X Factor talent contests and financial workers in the City of London fighting to win ridiculously huge sums of money, have our instinct to win become corrupted and unhealthy?
I was asked about this in one of my recent blogs: “I would love to hear your yogic view on competitiveness, to be the best, better than others, to win awards and rosettes, ribbons and trophies?” See blog on https://www.yogabristol.co.uk/?p=998
It is an important question and the short answer is that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with competiveness and winning? It is about our relationship with our actions and thoughts which is seen as important in both yoga and Buddhism.
When I was in India I saw wealthy, and I would suppose they are also successful people, hit a crisis when they began to question their wealth and the guidelines of Buddhism and yoga. It is something that results from feeling guilty for having so much when others have so little, but the lesson is to understand our relationship with our actions. It is not how much we have but what we do with what we have and also how we acquired it. It was not the answer to give it all away and become poor like those around you. If you have a talent or something to offer, perhaps use that to get in touch with an ethical way of living.
That’s why we see philanthropists, such as Bill Gates, who is perhaps the most prominent wealthy sharer of his wealth in the modern world. He has succeeded in his field, and I am sure he was competitive to get where he is now, and now that he can he gives away huge sums to charitable causes. You could be cynical and say that this is a tax evasion exercise, but at least his money is going to do some good.
Back on terra firma, us mere mortals, who earn a modest income, will not have this situation of what to do with our millions, but the guidelines are same: live ethically and consciously.
As I said earlier, competiveness and winning is not a crime. It is perhaps what drives us: the question is sometimes whether we like what we do and do we feel fulfilled? Do we agree with the motives of our employer? We need to look into all of these factors to reach a conclusion, but underneath all of this there is something simpler guiding us.
If we are listening to our gut feelings, our intuitive awareness or simply our consciousness, we will perhaps hear what we feel to be the right kind of lifestyle for us. Many of us feel a huge amount of pressure to be something we know is not us, or to do a kind of work that we feel is not right for us – possibly on an emotional level, but we know something is wrong.
To use an analogy of a river current: if we are always swimming up-stream, against the current it will feel hard all of the time. We will be draining our energy levels, challenging our resolve to carry on, and simply getting frustrated and angry with ourselves and even everything around us. If this is how our life feels, perhaps we need to question how we live. There is however, a catch to this scenario which some of you might have spotted: what if I cannot change my situation?
Many of us feel trapped in the job we have or the situation we live in: in yoga there is a lot of emphasis placed on a sense of duty to ourselves and to our family and others around us. This is the safety net that stops someone abandoning everything on the back of a whim, and leaving others with more suffering and hardship. In a sense, this can help us cope, if we know we need to stay put and dismiss our mind that is indulging our thoughts.
But if we can change, why not, it can be refreshing. And this includes those of us who are working in a competitive environment that feels wrong for us, simply perhaps it is time to learn to swim with the current – and this includes the current of our heart.
Winning and competing is part of life, so I think it is about finding out what suits us: some people suit the cut and thrust of the financial world, while others prefer to work as a nurse.
In yoga we are guided by the eight limbs of yoga, and the first limb is called yamas, which refers to abstentions and how we relate to the external world.
The first one, is called ahimsa, means non-violence, simply not inflicting injury to others and also ourselves, both in terms of thought and deed.
The second, satya, refers to non-illusion, the truth in word and thought, simply put, not lying to others or ourselves; being honest and faithful.
Asteya, the third yama, means not stealing or non-covetousness.
The fourth, Brahmacharya: I have seen various interpretations of this often misunderstood yama. In literal translation it can be explained as “to move with the truth” (in terms of the one essential truth). It suggests that we form relationships that foster our understanding of the highest truths. However, it is commonly seen as being chastity or celibacy. Living our life in accordance with the flow of truth, to ourselves and others, a bit like the river analogy, being with the current, of ourselves and the environment we choose to live and work in. That is, seeking to live a life where our external world of work and family is truthful and also that our inner world is in the same flow.
The fifth, aparigraha means non-possessiveness and non-hoarding; freedom from avarice and without greed. This is the one that is perhaps to control when we become overly focused on competing and winning at all costs, for purely our gain and indulgence. This can mean desire of anything, from inner desires of happiness to desires for food, sex, drink, and the latest consumer product. Think of ourselves as a pendulum, swinging one way and then the other, from desires (grasping) at one end to aversion (pushing away) at the other. The intensity of the swing is affected by the strength of desire and aversion. Through yoga we aim to stop this swinging, so that we still enjoy everything but in a more stable fashion.
Finally, and not the least important, remember that our personal yoga practice is not a competition with others. We might feel competitive with ourselves, to learn a posture or to stay present when meditating, becuase that is how the competive nature can help us keep sharp and aware. But we learn through meditative self-awareness to keep in check the unwholesome aspects of competitiveness, it is after all, about bringing everything into balance.
These are guidelines, but even for the most rebellious there is a realisation that ethical and moral guidelines act as our compass in a world that is becoming more selfish and materially based, and we all run risk of forgetting what is really important to us.
