Inside Yoga 82 (15/7/13)

“You are walking along with a different consciousness,” said Wilko Johnson. “You look at other people and think they are all living under that terrible threat of mortality. For me though, it is sorted out, and that sets me apart.”

This is a fascinating comment from Dr Feelgood’s guitarist, Wilko Johnson, aged 66, who is suffering from terminal illness in the form of pancreatic cancer, which was diagnosed in January of this year.

I was reading the Sunday Observer when I came across the story, and knowing his music I was interested to see what he was doing – having already heard about his terminal illness. But what struck me was his was comments about his mortality and how this has affected him.

His first reaction to illness was to become more productive. “So I thought I should try to get an album out before I die. But this is a rather indeterminate time for me so sometimes I do wonder what the bloody point is. The last songs, strangely enough, contain a lot of metaphors for death. It is not too heavy though, don’t worry.”

He then said: “You may not get wisdom but illness changes your perspective on everything, and it has been a wonderful year in many ways.” The report added that it is a sensation he can only liken to an excitement remembered from youth. He described a feeling “so strong and definite” that it has altered his entire attitude.

“I am getting the sort of insights that cannot be obtained any other way, whether about the smallest action or the largest feelings that you may have for friends. Things are not exactly clear, because it is more complicated than that, but you see you have to live life as it comes and as it goes, and we don’t realise that until we have to. Death for me now is not something in the indefinite future, it is in the immediate future. I am not going to come out with a book of sayings, though.”

Wilko is not the first person who when faced with a terminal illness has found renewed energy to be productive – whether it is creativity or other work – and has also discovered a renewed kind of joy with living in the present moment and taking life one step at a time. When we feel we are running out of time, it can wake us up and make us do certain things before it is too late – for example, remembering to say something important to a loved one before it is too late, or doing a project that we have always wanted to but keep putting it off?

The only guarantee in life is that we will die: this is a major tenet of Buddhist, yoga and Hindu teachings – and many other spiritual traditions. When we are close to death our attitude can change (of course, not for everyone) and in many cases it can be a sort of liberation in the last few months.

I particularly like the comparison with being young and its association with the excitement of youth, and the feeling of being “so strong and definite”.  Youth represents the freedom to live and enjoy life as it comes. What happens to us? We become older? True, but that is not what robs us of this sense of strength and definiteness. I think we just become worried about maintaining what we have accumulated so far, and more importantly the fear of losing it all. There is a proverb that states: “the more we have the more we worry”.

I was in my garden when I read the report about Wilko, and after reading it, I reflected and while I did this I looked at my house. “Nice house, I like it,” I thought, but it is not the “be and end all” of my life: I cannot take any of this when I die. Of course, why would I want to take my house with me? I wouldn’t, but what this thought reveals something that many of us do – placing too much importance in material things. It should be about our spirit, our heart and how we live, with ourselves and importantly how we are with our family and friends, are we doing what we can to live a happy life and look after the ones we love and care for?

There is a saying, that no one on their death bed says “I wish I had spent more time in the office”.

The proximity of death can make us see life differently and reveal to us what is important. This is echoed when Wilko said: “I am getting the sort of insights that cannot be obtained any other way, whether about the smallest action or the largest feelings that you may have for friends.” And the crucial bit when he said: “you see you have to live life as it comes and as it goes, and we don’t realise that until we have to.”

In Buddhist meditation, and also in yoga, we reflect on impermanence – how everything changes, and nothing lasts forever. It reminds us to be present to what is happening now, and living life in the present moment.

And for those who like or need to plan – and cannot picture the idea of being present. Of course we need to plan and be prepared for the future, whether it is personal or work life. But the planning is done in the present moment, we are always acting in the present but if our mind gets stuck in the future we might not be so present. For example, we have planned something, it is several days hence, but we keep coming back to the plan, and ruining the days in the run-up – a subtle difference but an important one.

In my first years of meditation practice I was involved with the Tibetan tradition and one of its meditation practices is a death meditation. In this the meditator goes through the death process – the withdrawal of the senses which leads to death, which in itself is deep and powerful meditation. It is also emphasises the impermanence of life and teaches us about our relationship with our mortality.

Being aware of death helps is to give us the same sort of perspective that someone like Wilko Johnson has unfortunately been faced with due to terminal illness. We don’t have to be sick to appreciate the value of life and living right now in a full and present way, but death and its reality does help wake us up and live life in a more meaningful and productive way – and above all, a more enjoyable way.

Read the Observer story at http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2013/jul/14/wilko-johnson-last-shot