Inside Yoga 198 ( 20/3/2013)

She’s loud and brash, she’s a comedian, and she’s not the sort of person you expect to see publishing a book about mindfulness, but this is what I came across while browsing in a bookshop (remember those places? Where books come off a shelf and not the internet?) I came across A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled by Ruby Wax!

Having now read the book, I recommend this guide largely because Ruby’s language and style of writing makes this an easy read and what can appear to be complicated theories accessible. Plus, though most of us know her as a comic, she does have a MA in Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy from Oxford; so she does now her stuff.

Here’s my review and summary of key points made by Ruby.

Ruby explains that she came across mindfulness having tried every kind of therapy out there, conventional and unusual, in her lifelong battle with her own depression. And she was willing to try it because, as she says, the scientific evidence showed mindfulness works.

Why frazzled? She explains that many of us reside in the Land of Frazzledom and are looking for the exit. She writes that “rather than spending our time complaining, pointing our finger at problems outside in the world for making us feel so unhinged, we need to learn to navigate those sharp rocks of uncertainty and bewilderment.”

This is an important point about mindfulness and what it does – instead of looking externally for answers it asks us to turn within to solve our problems.

Also, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy mentioned above is a branch of the practice called mindfulness-based stress reduction which was created by Jon Kabat-Zinn in the US (see his book “Full Catastrophe Living”).

In her first chapter about evolution and how far we haven’t come: Ruby explains our instincts are the root of our problems with for example feeling happy and being depressed. As other mammals in the wild our instinct is to survive, so we are always on the lookout for danger. She says “There’s this endless search for happiness, but let me ruin your day by telling you that we are in fact natural-born pessimists because, that way, we keep the species going. We have to be ready for danger. This is why we have a leaning to the negative rather than the rosy.”

As our primitive mind developed with the pre-frontal cortex and so forth, Ruby points out that we started to wonder what we could do with it? This is when stress started to build up. There is a phrase: the more you have the more you worry.

We developed and became brainier and busier… and these days we have computers: apparently to help us, but do they? We are busier than ever but unlike the computers which can be turned off, to reboot and recharge, we need rest but many of us don’t know how to or as Ruby says rest has “become a dirty word”.

Ruby makes a good point: “While we complain that our ‘to do’ lists are endless, let us not forget that we begat those list, no one from outer space came when we weren’t looking and implanted ‘the list’ in our brains.”

She later says: “We need to wake up and notice the signals that our minds and bodies are giving us; to slow down sometimes and notice the scenery. I don’t mean for ever, just stop for petrol once in a while before going back to the race we call life.”

In a section called “choice” she rightly points out that we have too much choice now, like for example, how many ice cream flavours are there now? Choice might sound great, but think how much time, effort, energy and stress is taken up with our choices. Ruby states: “Choice is ruining our lives, taking up precious moments.” I would add to that, for example, we thought the internet makes things easier but think how much more time we now spend looking for a holiday …. days browsing (drowning is a better word than browsing) in all the choice – only to end up frazzled, confused and out of desperation and fatigue we book the next place we see even if it is not the best choice.

Ruby’s book is not the first about mindfulness, far from it, so if you have read books on the subject previously you will recognise the topics and the facts covered. She follows the familiar themes to make her points and explain the practice, but she does do it with wit and knowledge thereby making an otherwise potentially dull subject more interesting and importantly accessible to everyone

When writing about our thinking – past and future, she points out how though blessed with an ability other mammals do not have, it is also a problem, as we consume our valuable time thinking about the past and future with very little advantage to our lives.

“Being on auto-pilot, multitasking and using past or future thinking are all techniques for ensuring survival, but they can also be at the heart of our unhappiness, ” she writes.

On loneliness, in terms of the interconnectedness of social media, she says: “We might just have lost that human touch of togetherness because sending a smiley face doesn’t say it all.”

While writing about the search for happiness, she acknowledges that she is probably addressing about five per cent of the world population – those who have enough food and clothes. “Most people on this globe don’t have the time to contemplate happiness, whether they live or die is just the flip of a coin.”

Concluding her introduction to “Frazzled”, she says that “if we don’t develop our human qualities then we’re doomed, evolution-wise, to become cyborgs, our cells replaced by silicon chips, steel pincers for fingers, and then we’ll be perfect, no flaws, only shiny, silver carcass with imprint of an Apple where our hearts used to be.”

Ruby’s definition of mindfulness “is noticing your thoughts and feelings without kicking your own ass while you’re doing it.”

When practising mindfulness meditation we learn to be the observer or witness to our thoughts. She adds “if thoughts were who you are, how would you be able to observe them?” This is similar to the advice on meditation which explains that if my mind is mine how come I have unwelcome and unwanted thoughts?

On acceptance, she says “when you use mindfulness, you learn to accept things the way they are without trying to change them. It is the gateway to the ‘shit happens’ school of enlightenment.”

“I don’t think I am alone when I say that I treat everyone around me the way I treat myself. We project the stuff in our minds not just on to our family and friends but on to the whole planet. I assume everyone’s out to get me because I’m probably out there to get them. We are the real enemy to ourselves; everyone else is decoration,” explains Ruby.

She adds: “No one can help you except you, and only you.” This comment, although sounding harsh, is the bedrock of Buddhist teachings which point out the end of our suffering lies within us and in our hands.

Describing her own practice, she says, “Sometimes I’ll only notice one inhale or a few exhales during the whole 20 minutes of sitting before the usual soundtrack – ‘get up, you idiot, and order a bathmat’ – starts blasting. But each time I manage to pull my attention away from the distractions and back to the breath, it feels as if I’m holding on to a flag pole in order not to blow away during a raging storm.”

Explaining that kindness is the key to this practice, Ruby writes, “if you’re kind to yourself, then you’re in the right mind to pass that kindness on to others.”

Practice makes perfect, and Ruby points out that mindfulness needs practice, and the hard bit is doing it regularly, but think about this if you roll your eyes in reaction to the thought of hard work, “whatever you have learnt in your life you’ve learnt it through repetition, including the ability to read this word.” Good point.

Ruby says: to become mindful is a result of intentionality.

About the importance of paying attention, she says that “if you want to be happy, learn how to pay attention.” This is hard but essential to learn, because according to her book, we can only pay attention to something on average for about 1.2 seconds. Suddenly we all feel better about our own ability to meditate!

For those who are who are not sure about the importance or benefit of being present, Ruby writes, “the present is where everyone wants to be. If you don’t believe me, let me point out that the reason you plan a holiday or an event for months is advance is to experience it ‘in the moment’. But when you get to your dream hotel or tent, your mind will probably be on something else…. So much of what we do in our everyday lives is to achieve an experience, a taste, smell, sight or sound in the moment. So when peoples say, ‘I don’t really care about being present,’ remind them how much money and time they are spending on getting there.”

Ruby offers a quote from Steven Sutton, a teenage cancer victim, who said, “You have 86,400 seconds today. Don’t waste a single one.”

After introducing mindfulness and reason to practice it, there are chapters on the science of our brain and mindfulness for those who like facts and figures, and perhaps proof? There is plenty of evidence pointing to why this practice works.

Ruby also offers a six-week mindfulness course, because theory is all very well and good, but we need to know how to practice. She also has chapters on mindfulness for parents with babies, young kids and teenagers.

Plus she writes about her own experiences and struggles including depression, which adds accessibility to the book and will help so many people realise that this practice can also help them.

Her book is called “A Mindfulness Guide for the FRAZZLED” published by Penguin.

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