Inside Yoga 68 (22/2/13)

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts.”

These words, from Shakespeare’s play As You Like It, were as relevant when it was first performed and as they are today… both in the way Shakespeare intended and also in another way.

The other way is what I want to highlight. This short quote is a reminder that in our lives we have many roles, some of them change through time while others stay with us for most of our life.

The question is how much do we identify with our roles and how much does this identification adversely affect our well-being? We all have roles to perform in our life and these will often be done with our best efforts, whether we are a lawyer, nurse, doctor, shop worker, mother, or student – we usually try our best.

Some of us manage these roles with a steadiness and ease that means all is well with our lives, but some of us might find that a certain role we have causes a lot of stress. It can be a low-level background stress that we are not aware of, in the sense that, we might feel a bit out of sorts but we have not made the connection with a role we have, be it as a mum or the job we have.

Others, however, are very aware that the role we have is causing a lot of stress, distress and other health problems due to exhaustion and pressures of doing our job. It might be too much work, nasty bosses or colleagues, or at home, exhaustion from being a mum, or a carer for an elderly relative.

This is where the quote is relevant. As there are times when we get so caught up in our part or role that we cannot find ourselves anymore. We are the role and we cannot press the detach button.

For example, we become the job as it consumes us, devours us, and then spits us out! We can come out the other end and wonder what happened. We have completely identified with this role, instead of realising that whatever roles or jobs we have in our life, deep within us we are still the same person, for example, I might be a teacher, but I am still Gary – I am not the job.

When times are great we can feel fine about this connection with our role, as it makes us feel good to say “I am a lawyer”, “I am writer”, or “I am nurse”, but when the stress kicks in and things go wrong, saying I am a teacher feels painful and stressful.

So how do we stop this? This is where realising that we are actors in our own life can help us to understand that by creating a detachment from our role and the essence of who we are – we can protect ourselves from pain and distress.

We still try to do our best, but we now realise our relationship with the role in a new, more refreshing way. Of course, sometimes we need another role. And change might need to be made, but in many cases we stick with it – we might know it will be better in the long run or necessity dictates this. This approach helps us understand our roles and also to cope with what we must do in life.

Often a simple change of words can change the way we see our life and relate to it.  For example, I will often say “I teach yoga for a living”, and avoid saying “I am a yoga teacher”. As I am me, and one of the roles I have is a teacher, another is a father, and so on.

This is where we enter the philosophical inquiry of “who am I?”, as asked by Ramana Maharshi. The question does arise: what am I then? This is something we meditate on. For example, I am a human being not a human doing – and over the course of my life changes have happened. Deep within us there is a consciousness that is our being, and in yoga and Buddhism this is regarded as permanent. It is the superficial ego that is always changing, floating around us and affecting us in many ways, sometimes good and sometimes bad. The solution is to avoid being caught up in our ego.

Meditation reveals to us that everything changes – eventually – from our emotions to the roles we have in our lives. On a daily basis we go through role changes: at work we have one role, when we get home we then become a dad or a mum, sister, brother and so on. When we go out with friends to play a game, then we become a footballer or swimmer. Everything is impermanent and ever changing, as the Buddha taught, and this is the key to unlocking our attachment to roles we have in life.

It is important to emphasise that sticking with our roles can be necessary – we cannot afford to leave a job, or leave our family or move home? This is where this skill of realising the actor’s role we might have can help us cope; to disarm the negative effects. There is also a sense of duty – a key component within yoga teachings – that reminds us that we have a family to support, parents to look after and so forth. It is so easy to abandon one play and leave the stage, as we might not solve anything and just find that we have brought our ‘baggage’ with us.

Looking within at ourselves can often solve our relationships with the world around us. And realising that the world is stage can also help give us a perspective.

Next act…