Inside Yoga 93 (15/12/13)

When we lose someone who is close to us, their death brings up a range of emotions – from coping with loss, memories and how to move on. Last week I wrote about Nelson Mandela’s death and how his life had been a lesson in forgiveness, humbleness and simplicity.

Four days after Mandela’s death, my own father passed away from bronchopneumonia – which I now know is called “the old man’s friend”, because “the sufferer often lapses into a state of reduced consciousness, slipping peacefully away in their sleep, giving a dignified end to a period of often considerable suffering.”

In the case of my father this is certainly the case: he had suffered from Parkinson’s disease for many years and had spent the last three years in a nursing home – in considerable discomfort and possibly confusion as a form of dementia had set in. For me seeing him suffer was a painful experience that left me feeling helpless – I didn’t want to lose him but I did not want to see him suffer. So this illness certainly felt like a friend, freeing him of his suffering body and mind.

When I first studied Buddhism one of the first lessons, and meditations, I was taught was about death: the lesson is simple, the one thing in life that we can be certain about is that we will die. It is a stark lesson, but when thought about (and the case of Buddhism, meditated upon) it helps us to live our life. We learn that life is precious, and to appreciate this, we learn to be aware and present – so that we can live it fully.

The thought of death can help us realise that there is little point in dwelling upon negative and harmful thoughts (and of course, actions as well). Why fill up our days with such negativity? Yet many of us wander through our life half asleep and in denial of such a truth. And is it a truth? One example of why this is true is the person who when faced with a terminal illness, can find themselves in a liberated place when they come to terms with their own mortality and impending end – they realise that every moment is worth living fully, and it is to be appreciated. There are numerous examples of this.

So why not do this now? Live life to the full now as if the end is close – because who knows, it be closer than we realise! This is not an example of pessimism but realism and being really alive. This is why the Buddha taught that everything is impermanent – all things come to pass, and this includes our life.

Another lesson that can be derived from learning about our own mortality is our attachment to so many things in life – including our own life. Why be so attached to material things, to our thoughts, and our idea of who we are?

In terms of what we have and what we want – we are born with nothing and when we die, we cannot take anything with us.  The rampant materialism of our modern society might bring us temporary satisfaction, but ultimately, none of it is important. Our heart and our soul can be happy with nothing as much as it can with everything that is humanely possible to own – and before I say any more, there is nothing wrong (in Buddhist and other spiritual traditions) with having wealth, it is our relationship with it.

In meditation we learn to live a non-attached life. This means appreciation is there and pleasure, but non-attachment. We realise that these things in our life might bring some happy thoughts and experiences, but deep down we learn that this is not what makes us ultimately happy – this is not what brings unconditional happiness. Those who run meditation centres and other spiritual places, such as churches, get as many poor as wealthy people coming to them for help; and some have noticed that the rich – who have achieved so much material success and so forth – report that they still feel empty.

Understanding non-attachment and impermanence is not so much about finding answers, but realising that life is so short why wait around to be happy and live a full life – now is the time to live.

In memory of John Osborn-Clarke (1925 to 2013). If you have any comments about this article please fill in comment box below.